“I am the greatest, I said that even before I knew I was.” – Muhammad Ali
Not many people like to admit that they talk to themselves. I am one of those who would openly admit that I do, and I do it out loud too. I talk to myself in the car, on my desk at work and when I run. We all do. Whether it's in our heads, which I think 90% of us do, or out loud. What we say to ourselves though is a different thing.
"You are so dark? Why are you always playing in the sun?"
"You are so stupid. Why didn't you score better marks?"
"You are fat. Why do you always eat and eat and not do any exercise?"
"Why are you sitting on the couch doing nothing? Don't you have any goals? Why are you so lazy?"
"You can't buy a business! You will fail! Miserably!"
These are some of the self talk I use to say to myself, still do from time to time, and also so sad that some of these words have been uttered to my face. Yep. Not so bright an cheery in my life sometimes isn't it?
I use to be deflated. No aim or goals in life. I remember telling a friend, I do not have a bucket list because I am content with my life. I LIED. The truth? I simply can't be bothered because in my head, I have already set myself up to fail by telling myself, I am not good enough to do anything.
WHY the change? I want to achieve things. I want to stop self loath and hate. I have decided enough is enough and I am taking charge of my own happiness. 6 months on, I am slowly walking down that road. It is hard one some days. On days when I am stressed and overwhelm by things around me.
One thing I have learnt from my journey so far, is acknowledgement. Acknowledgement of my feelings. This is the one key I did not have. What I use to do when I feel negative of myself. I use to sweep it under the rug and forget about it until it resurfaces and usually when it does, it doubles in amount. So now, I acknowledge my negative feelings, ask myself is this useful to me in a way? Why am I feeling this way? How can I make it better and deal with it? Is it within my control to stop? If it is something that is said to me negatively, I can't stop that from happening. I acknowledge the fact that it is usually a feeling that someone is having towards themselves and projected on to us.
What I have also learnt in my numerous Enjo training, is to believe in your abilities. Focus on the things that you can do and not on the things that you can not do. They use a lot of visualisation and the energy of positive thinking. I was skeptical at first because I know this isn't me, but I gave it a go anyways. I changed my mind set and I have been reaping the rewards since. It's so strange to see that positive things have been happening to me.
Now, if I am faced with something difficult or stressful, I usually visualise myself going through it, and tell myself over and over again that I can do it. I will reach the end and I will make it happen. Usually I will come out of it unscathed but on the occasion that I don't make it, I sit down, assess, acknowledge what happend and learn how to do it differently.